Quote:
Originally Posted by farmergirl
So she was on time, even though by your perspective she was still late. You seem to have been able to talk about some abuse issues and did some valuable work according to your desciption. Your appointment is set for two weeks away at 10:00. You don't trust this T because of a couple of late appointments and her appearing unkempt at your last appointment. If you don't think you can get past your problems with what you feel is inconsistency, yes you might should look for another T, but I still get this gut feeling that this isn't about being a few minutes late or her physical appearance. What makes you so afraid of her? Will she ever be able to stand independently as trustworthy as your therapist, or will she forever be held in the shadow of your other T's? I don't know. I just wonder if this has more to do with not really wanting to give up your therapy relationships with your old T's than anything -- sort of the no matter what she does, it will never be quite right syndrome because she isn't . . . . Might be worth exploring.
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I find her unsafe because of her inconsistency and her 'mood' from the previous two sessions. It was very inconsistent (I'm familiar with that type of person - i grew up that way and worked to make myself invisible). I actually was experiencing positive transference with her and even recommended her to a couple people before things changed with her most recently. She thinks I am hard on people and know one is perfect but at some point a spade is a spade. My T1 and my marriage T aren't perfect either even though I really like/love them. They have things about them that I find 'scary'. For T1 she is scary because I love her. I am used to wanting to be loved and not receiving it as a child. To feel acceptance and care from another human being is painful with the anticipation of them going away or pulling the rug out from under my feet.
Marriage T I do feel a connection with and is very supportive of my goals and healing. I'm not sure she will be able to see me for a consultation about all of this. We are going to be 'working together' as I will be going to a support group she is putting together and I will be a co-facilitator of and sharing my life experience on a particular topic. Can't wait to connect with others who need support such as myself. She knows this is a passion of mine so she contacted me to see if I wanted to be a part of the group and I accepted (group starts in Sept).
Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog
Do you know why you are having such a hard time just pulling the plug on this one? She does not sound good for you ( and I say this from the perspective of someone who will not quit one I am constantly frustrated and impotently enraged with)
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I have a hard time trusting my decisions. I fear that because of my past experiences I may be making the wrong decision in both directions leaving/staying. I don't feel 100% confident that I'm making the right choice in quitting. It's like a teenage girl in a relationship. She loves her boyfriend until he she really 'sees him' for who he is. Before seeing him for who he is she took every positive thing he said to her and lapped it up like a kitten drinks milk from a bowl. He builds her up while she secretly craves love and is seemingly getting that love from him when he tells her she's pretty and he cares about her.
I feel like my eyes are open but in disbelief.
Am I telling myself what I want to hear (leave T) so I can avoid working through the fear of dealing with T and the triggers from my past?
OR
Am I telling myself what I need to hear (the girl who is seeing her boyfriend for who he is) so I can protect myself.
As always thank you all for challenging me an my thoughts!
