I am really missing therapy.

Since I ended regular therapy in June, my oldest son has unexpectedly had to have pretty major surgery (and I've become his wound care nurse/nutritionist), my mom disappeared for a few days, and now my grandma is dying, and that's bringing up some things for me

My T is available for me...he's way too busy to schedule last-minute sessions, but I can send him an e-mail and he will e-mail something helpful and supportive back, and if I really needed to, I could talk to him on the phone. That really does help.

But it feels like what would help even more would be to have that space once a week to just "be". To decompress and not be surrounded by my noisy boys and the busy-ness of my life, and to be cared for and heard. A place to bring my stuff and leave it. A place to talk to someone who understands completely why certain things are hard for me.

I'm realizing now that when I left therapy, I was partly leaving for me, and partly doing it for T. I knew he was absolutely committed to working through whatever we needed to work through...and I also knew it was really hard and if I just left, neither of us would have to work through it anymore.

I have an appointment with him in 8 days. I saw him after my son's surgery and scheduled something two weeks out "just in case". But part of me wishes I could just have an hour a week, every week. Right now, our relationship feels totally different than it ever did. I know I'm loved, I know he is there to support me, and that's enough. All of the intensity that was there for so many years is gone. It's more like we're two adults talking to each other (which we ARE) than the huge powerful transference thing it used to be.

I guess I'm just thinking out loud. I just really miss the good things about therapy right now.