Alien

You have put a lot of preparation into this. I think this statement... "I'm feeling a mixture of emotions ranging from anger to fear. There's a part of me that is a little excited and I'm trying to pull that part of me to the forefront in hopes that it will give me the boost I need to FACE MY FEARS AND CONQUER THIS BATTLE." says alot. It is natural to have fears for anybody in your position, especially so for somebody with your background. But to still have that hope and excitement after the experience with T and the drive to face your fears and be successful indicates that you are off to a great start. You may have relapses. Thats to be expected. We all do. I had a major breakdown in college a few years ago. Was hospitalized twice while going, once two weeks before graduation. My final project was supposed to be a community assessment so I did it on the community of mental patients. My visual aid was a five page collage I had to put together with tape because they wouldnt let me have glue. and i graduated still with a 4.0 despite what a wreck i was throughout. Its just a matter of picking yourself up each time you fall down and accessing the necessary supports at school. colleges usually have free mh services for students and support groups. pay attention to yourself and take care of your needs. dont become overly stressed. make sure to use your dbt skills and get help as soon as you notice the threads coming undone. access the disability services at school even if you never use them. my t put on there about me being able to leave class if i was triggered my a topic, extra time to complete assignments. i never thought i would use them, but then i had three midterms due on a thurs and the anxiety was unbearable. i too am a perfectionist. i knew i could get them done and still get an A, that wasnt the problem, i didnt feel the quality would be as good as i wanted them to be and that was causing me distress. so i used the disability card to get me extra time for one of the papers. gotta do what you can to reduce your stress.

anyway, if you ever need to talk, feel free to pm me... kali