Boy, I could not wait to get to the keyboard to post! To get it all out! I am fed up with him. I want him out of my life. I will wait for the man described by Anika. I am not desperate. I want to auto-delete his emails in GMAIL and block him on Skype. He is so insensitive, it is unbelievable. I do not know how he works his job. And he was so compassionate when I was depressed, where did it all go. But I cannot block him. When my mother was dying in a hospice, he would come treat her and talk to her and he deliberately gave he AD (Lexapro? not sure) to keep her euphoric, and she went in a euphoric state. I was in the States, I could not leave at the time. So not the person to dispose of that easily. Plus, he is a poet (he self-identifies as a poet more than as a p-doc) and has published (not self-published - really published) a book of verse and there are more dedications to me than to any other lady. But it does not mean he can treat me like **** NOW!

This is what happened. I wrote: "I have no time to write in our language now, so here is my post from yesterday, the part in bold is why I am upset, read it and let me know if there are English words that you do not understand.

"You may never be thin again"

That is what my endocrinologist said. Firmly. "It may be time to accept the new you". I feel numb. At any rate, will post at length later, she said some interesting things, now will go fill her prescription for Metformin, which promises a modest weight loss.
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And that is what shocked my doctor: my blood sugar level is 71 out of the normal range 70-100, borderline LOW! This was bloodwork done at another clinic. The doctor stared at me in utter disbelief and even said "maybe the test was wrong" - and started looking at historical readings from bloodwork done at her clinic. Not as low, but still on the low side. She asked me about the diet. I said I eat about 1800 calories; she nodded. She asked about carbohydrates. I said I do not eat pasta or rice, but I do eat rye bread. She asked how much. I said one-two pieces, and it is whole-rye unprocessed German bread (here (http://www.amazon.com/Mestemacher-Wh...s=mestermacher)). She nodded with approval. I said that I sometimes eat oatmeal, it is a carbohydrate, but not every day. She nodded again. She asked about exercise. I said that I walk briskly for 45-60 mins a day, sometimes more. She wondered. She asked about genetics. I said "Two out of four grandparents were obese with diabetes". She confirmed that that is one of my problems. Another one is psychoactive drugs - I cannot shake off what I gained on Olanzapine. But the third problem is really sad, because it has nothing to do with genetics, it is something I caused myself - I had an eating disorder in my youth, trying to get thinner than I already was, prompted by my father and his friends and I experimented with all sorts of sickening stuff, such as fasting, rawfoodism, cleansing enemas, and what not. So the doctor explained that people who go through this once then have bodies that hold on to every calorie and it is REALLY difficult to lose anything. You'd think that I would be mad at my father in retrospect, but no, I am numb.

She told me some reasonably encouraging things though. Use elliptical for higher intensity if walking does not provide enough and do not eat fruit alone (I love fruit snacks) - always add protein or fat to avoid sugar spikes. So I have learned something. And she DID prescribe Metformin, just a low dose - lower than she would have prescribed to someone who is pre-diabetic. She was so shocked at the apparent "it does not compute" between my numbers (I also have below normal cholesterol) that I would not be surprised if I am her first patient for whom she prescribed Metformin despite borderline low sugar.

I skimmed online info on Metformin and it promises "modest" weight loss. She said "a few pounds". It is not going to take me from size 14-16 back to 6-8 (and at 6-8 I was unhappy and wishing to lose more).

I will give Metformin a month without changing anything, will continue walking for 45-60 mins to avoid confounding effects - I want to really see what it does. But after that, I will get a bike and start biking to work. Google Maps shows 1 hour for the round trip, but I do not think that, at least in the beginning, I will bike at the average speed assumed by Google Maps, so it will probably be 1 hr 20 mins. That is a lot of exercise. And we will see it it helps. But she is a wise woman, she told me to not get frustrated and continue doing the diet and exercise thing even if I do not lose anything."

So what do you think he said in his reply? I shared my disappointment with him - how did he respond? Take a wild guess!