I reached out to my former teacher with whom I am very friendly and who is supportive, for help. She knows him fairly well. I told her that something probably funny but hurtful to me happened, and I now want nothing to do with him. I do not want him to come. But I am afraid that I am being impulsive and will later regret, so I want to send her a draft so that she would edit it from the standpoint of a cool reasonable person. Then I followed up with "You know, I treated him like **** when I was young, maybe what I should say is not "do not come" but "I would have not wanted you to come except for feeling obligated given how I mistreated you in the past". And told about the hospice thing, too. And that I would have to give her context (she does not know about the sex part), and that all of this would take time and I am not sure she has it - she is usually really busy. So we will see how she replies.