That says it all. Don't think I ate anything yesterday & just when I was going to get off the computer & get a bite to eat & go to bed, I got an email from my H in Ca & he was being stupid about giving me the information I needed to take care the getting my name off the property.....but he wanted me to file the quit claim.....such an idiot...can't just do what I ask without an argument (the way it always was......I just remembered some of that from the past).

He had a lot of things that I wanted to respond to & some I needed to respond to....I ended up spending all night trying to make sure I said the right thing in the right way....never got downstairs into the kitchen to get anything for food.......& by the time morning hit, I was so exhausted, I knew I wouldn't even make it down the stairs from the exhaustion....so I chose to go to sleep from 9am-3pm......got up & had to go see if I got the information I requested so I could call my lawyer & get that taken care of tomorrow.......then my neighbor who had fixed my lawn tractor because I managed to break the cable that drives the PTO.....& I ended up mowing a large area of my field. I realized that I hadn't had anything to eat.....finally went in & boiled 4 ears of corn......ate 3 & was so full & thought I would pop.........so left the 4th ear for tomorrow.....put butter & this really good mexican sauce on it that has mayo, yogert, cilantro & cyanne pepper & top it with cajita cheese (parmesean like cheese).......it's yummy but filling.......then I had a bowl of chocolate ganache ice cream......but mostly I live on ice water when I feel so yucky.

I have noticed that when I'm not good at eating....when I do eat, there better be a bathroom because my digestion seems to make the food go right through.....it's really frustrating when my stress is this bad.

Am going to talk with the lawyer tomorrow who's helping me with the quit claim & see what he was to say about the divorce.....but I think there is no way I could have money for a divorce lawyer & I think the legal aid will be good enough to take care of the few legal issues I have involved with the divorce.

I managed to work the fact that the divorce in eminent into my email reply.......when he complained that I took the money from the refi & have not been helping him with the house payment.....for 33 years, I helped him with the house payments & lost everything in both our IRA's keeping the house payments paid because he couldn't be responsible with spending & take control when my depression was so bad & I wasn't even concerned about finances....I didn't even want to live why would I care about finances?????

I am trying my darndest to use all the DBT I have learned....but the eating part just goes out the window when I'm this stressed & some while I am trying to figure out all my moved in this stupid chess game he's playing with me......the DBT skills only work for the moment I'm using them & then I'm right back to where I was.......not long enough break to truly do anything & I am working so hard with my wise mind logical mind....that it's completely exhausted & just want to go hibernate for several months....but NOT POSSIBLE....so the sick stomach continues & the mind & body being so wrapped up in what they need to do.....there is no mind left to think about food.