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Aug 03, 2012, 05:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kazine
There's some background info here:
/showthread.php?t=239071
But here is my problem. I got with my boyfriend in 2010 and he was just discovering the fact he had DID. One of his alters was confused and he kept grabbing me by the throat and choking me 'til I was almost unconscious. It was lucky that the adrenaline this caused me to have increased my strength by a lot so that I could fight him off. I don't know if the alters had intentions to kill me but it happened a LOT back then...
The abuse slowed down as the alters became less confused... The only time it happened since then really was the times that I was in a bad mood... When I'm in a bad mood I shut myself off from the world and he doesn't like it. So he gets angry and his alters kick off. Sometimes they choke me, sometimes they hold onto my wrists so tight that it hurts and the more I struggle the tighter they hold on... The last time this happened I was freaked out for like 2 days after. This was after I found out that one of his alter had been abusing my cats so I told him to tell his alters that if he ever hurt me or my pets again I would leave him. He hasn't hurt me since but this week he kicked off and lashed out, hitting my sofa, and threw the TV remote across the room (not at me but I was still scared).
Even when I found out he was abusing my cats (I care about them getting hurt more than I care about myself getting hurt, because they don't understand... and they never come home now which is upsetting) I reasoned that it wasn't his fault. But now that I am frightened he is abusing my pets once again (see the above thread I linked to) I want to confront him...
But I can't confront him for another 3 weeks... There's this week and then we're going to Austria for work experience for 2 weeks and we can't back out of it... So I have that trip with him and I can't leave him before the trip is over because then it'll just be awkward and awful... That leaves one week of his alter being able to be awful to the rats (because I sleep longer than him so he's usually awake a couple of hours before I get up).
It's probably that I've had a few drinks that I'm freaking out about this, but I've been feeling this way all week since I found out that the cat had pooed on the sofa (whilst I was upstairs) and was freaking out, and then when I was upstairs again she weed on the table and was freaking out even though when I was downstairs she was absolutely fine. She left the house that day and neither of the cats have been back since. Ever since then I've just been worried he's abusing the rats.
Sometimes I feel like it's the right thing to stick with him because it's not his fault, but at other times I think of my cats and how scared they must be, and I feel like one of those pathetic women who is stuck in an abusive relationship and justifies it and won't leave.
How do I get through this week?!
Kaz x
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good luck hon.
((((hugs))))
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