((Purple))),

It is a challenge to work and struggle with PTSD. I struggle as well so I understand.
But, you also have to find ways to allow yourself to keep interacting with life too.
PTSD is challenging in that when someone has it they have a hard time "trusting" themselves. They wonder if they may encounter something that they can't seem to handle. But if that difficulty is feed and the person finds ways to completely retreat, that is not going to "help" them get better. What "does" help is to keep challenging yourself and slowly learning that you "can" still "handle" different challenges. And there will be days where you discover that you did fine. It is important that you understand this Purple, because otherwise you will end up not even leaving your home.

All the things on your list that you "used to be able to enjoy" are things you CAN get back to enjoying again. However, you are not going to get back to that if you position yourself where you can just, hide out at home and talk to therapists.

I have dealt with this many times with students that fell off the pony and suddenly realized they can make a mistake, or the pony can act up, and they can fall off. It takes time for me to get them back on, but once they do they learn to gain confidence again and continue learning to ride. I have fallen off many times myself, and I find that when I get back on, yeah I am uncomfortable at first, but I end up getting back into the rythm of riding and I am enjoying the riding again.

Purple, I can understand how you feel challenged, me too. I do my best to keep on trying in spite of my feeling "lost and frightened and stressed". And I have settled on "one day at a time" so I don't push myself into looking too far down the road with imaginary doom and gloom or sense of how I might "fall off" somehow. I have good days and bad days, I just do my best to focus on each day.
(((Hugs))))
Open Eyes