pushing myself to get out this morning , meeting with a case manager from a local MH program and I don't want her to see me this way, and I am not sure I can fake it. I am so close to going back on meds with my Pdr permission, just still this hesitation that meds are not the answer, but therapy is not doing it. have to find a way to pull it together because I do not want another partial hospitalization or for that a full one, I still have the care of the kid at home and no one I trust with her care, not that I am doing a excellent job. just need that extra assurance it will be ok.