I am probably going to try to get on disability...but first I need to have my psychological issues assessed and officially diagnosed which is a gigantic hassle in itself it seems. I admit some of it is my own issues like getting anxious, having second thoughts and essentially panicking because I don't know what to do...then on top of that I suck at wording things over the phone and I suck at wording things right unless I am in a totally calm environment with no distractions. So I end up not knowing the right things to say to desk secretaries at mental health centers, probably at the SSI office and just general doctors appointments to get to where I need to go basically...or I do make it through that ordeal but still feel stupid because I was stammering and sometimes it takes me a while to organize my thoughts into words so I always feel like they must be thinking I'm a total idiot or something.

So yeah essentially its some of these same issues that get in the way of getting the psychological help and trying to get on SSI that would likely prevent me from keeping a job. And I kind of want to forget SSI and just try part time work, and hope I can deal with being fired repeatedly and still having it in me to keep applying for jobs to make a little money before getting fired....I mean I tell myself if it was a laid back job I liked I could do it, but even then I don't know. And I feel more like I should get my mind clear or something before I do anything...the closest to that option I probably have is get on SSI, get my mind clear and then maybe try and find part time work and get off SSI.

So yeah I am not going through quite the same thing, but I can understand dealing with any of this is frusterating. But yeah as for bumming off of society......it sounds to me like you've been working as hard as you can even with the PTSD and seizures. I mean I think society will be ok if you take some time for yourself for a while and getting on disability could help with that....and maybe then you could deal with some of these issues without the stress of a job and maybe at some point you'd be able to work again if you want. Disability doesn't have to be permanent.