My brain is so dull these days, but my mood swings are in check. Thank you drugs.

Do I really want to put up with all of the side effects, though? Memory problems, no sex drive, occasional headaches, no drinking(Oops!), weight gain, no creativity, etc.

And truthfully, I miss the hypomanic state at the very beginning-before the anger and impatience set in. I loved it when I could go outside and appreciate the colors, the sun on my face, and the feel of a breeze. I used to love the smell of burning leave in the fall. I could smell the seasons as each approached. Now, dull, dull, dull-I bore myself!

As I'm sure you've figured out by now, I am questioning the meds. Unfortunately, there is one I like-klonopin-and my pdoc will not prescribe just the one.

Btw, Hamster, I sometimes lie to my pdoc, too. A bad habit, but I have a hangup about the fact that she seems so together and is about 20 years younger than me. Fresh out of medical school. When she questions my drinking habits, I downplay any incidences. She's so young that I wonder if she is even of legal age yet! (just kidding)

Sorry for my rambling, but as usual, I can't hold one thought very long! As a matter of fact, I may have said all of this before and just forgot.

Bluemountains