I'll third the sibling thing. My sisters told me something I thought that I was making up about my mom was actually true. I had convinced myself that not even MY mom was capable of doing THAT.

Also, my aunt has confirmed some of the things that I remembered only bits and pieces of actually happened, and filled in the holes a little bit. I had a bad dream over and over, for instance, and my aunt confirmed that the dream was real and gave me a little more information about the situation.

I do not think a direct conversation with the abuser would be productive, necessarily. My mother was actually taunt me about me being 'crazy' for thinking that certain things had happened. "Oh you were SO abused" in a mean, sarcastic tone, with a big eye roll was a pretty standard response to any attempt to discuss the actual abuse. My dad, on the other hand, felt really badly about how they had treated us and would discuss it. So, I guess it just depends on whether you think the person is emotionally healthy enough to deal with you honestly and can face what they have done. My dad was; I don't think that my mother EVER will be.

Sorry to be so vague. Trying to keep from triggering anyone.