I cant stop crying,

Im just home from work I felt like driving the car into a wall and I cried the whole way home I stayed at work as long as I could as I didnt want to come home to an empty house. Im so so tired of feeling this way I cant seem to get out of my head I need help please...

I am 39 years old and I feel empty and sad all of the time I feel like my life is going nowhere.

I keep thinking why...and cant I seem to motivate myself to fix it. I used to be a strong confident person...where has that girl went.

I have been with my partner now for 7 years we split up for about 2 years and got back together 3 years ago as he has alays had issues with commitment issues that was why we split. He is generally a quiet person doesnt really like socialising but he will go out occasionally if it suits him. I really do love him or I think I do. We are still the same as before both live in our own houses when I ask when will I see him it normally ends up in an arguement he says that he doesnt plan ahead. So I get to see him one night during the week then I need to go to his at the weekend as hes says theres nothing to do at mines. I know deep down if I didnt go to his I probably wouldnt see him. I even asked him to marry me he said yes. He didnt even bring the subject back up again and when I did I asked where would you like to get married the reply I got was whatever you can arrange it and I'll maybe turn up. Everytime I try to get close to him he just pushes me away. I was ready for leaving him on Sunday and I said to him that they was he was, was breaking my heart the way he was treating me and I couldnt have it any more. I told him again that I wanted us to get married, have a baby he has known this for years and if it wasnt what he wanted to please let me go and not to hurt me anymore and told him I was leaving but he said he didnt want me to that he wanted us to be together and get married etc...I just feel as though he doesnt want to be with me and then he doesnt want to let me go either...

My work is stressful, long days and constant and the people can be hard to work with and can be quite ruthless to the point that I just go with it if you know what I mean rather than fighting for what I believe in.

I feel like Ive given up I go to work its a fight and the same with my relationship...