Today was my first day at my first new job. I worked a 5 hour shift with some really nice people who I was able to get to know and everything was great. It is a job so it isn't the most entertaining thing in the whole world (its only part time, shop job), but I think I'm going to really like it there. One thing I did notice today though, is that two of the guys I was working with, my supervisor and a colleague, they are taller than me and because it was my first day had to help me out a lot.

The point is that as any person might I felt kind of helpless and vulnerable, they are both older than me although only be a year or two, and they were really nice so I didn't feel endangered in any way, the thing that made me feel a wee bit... off, was that they seemed to really want to take responsibility for me. I felt small and weak and they were always there to help me with a grin on their face and a warm greeting ready and waiting, and this feeling of vulnerability I got kind of felt NICE. It's that which made me feel kind of weird.

The abuse I went through as a child was horrible, I hated it with my entire being because I hated being so helpless and vulnerable and it made me sick. That's why it felt so weird today. I was getting nice feelings to have them take care of me and make sure I was happy but yet feeling vulnerable to their power because of their form and their influence over me, but then I couldn't understand why I should feel that way... so confused