Yes, I left the hospital in better shape and was on five different meds, I had a seizure one week later and eas told to stop three of them Wellbutrin, cytomel,
And Ativan. When I call my therapist he told me I had to wait over one month to see a psychiatrist and my PM felt uncomfortable prescribing me anything. So I am back to square one, I am starting to feel overwhelmed and very hopeless. I feel like I need to be hospitalized but I have no one to watch my kids, my **** ex husband said he maybe able to come but I couldn't go in the hospital and had to be home at night to tend to the kids and my mother she is dysfunctional and is bad for my kids psychologically. I am stuck in pain with no way everyday I picture myself crashing into a pole or vision slitting my wrist watching the blood leave my veins, and I have been writing letter to my kids explaining why I took my life. Which will not bring much comfortm to them. The people around me do not see the cyclone that turns in my head. I can't do anything write, I don't take care of my children's needs, I have no interest or motivation in life. I am a loser and I finally realized that I truly suffer from a mental illness and most discerning I have borderline personality which comes with a stigmatizsm of being munipulative which I am not. I have no place in this life and I can't wait until I am brave enough to end it all. I wll feel very Badley that I left my kids or if I decided to take my younger ones with me. I have to protect them from the predators that my lirk in my own family. I am sure that I want to die but I don't want my children to feel the painful aftermath. As I walked through my tree of life I came to a crossways, one side said be with him and the other said no he is not for you keep moving on. Being the weak person afraid of being alone i choose my ex even though I knew it was wrong. I am paying for this decision and will continuing paying for it. He has no guilt and has told me many times that I would go to hell for leaving him and taking the kids, maybe he was right?