I finally figured out the source of my pain. I havent felt good because I didnt as if I was good (a good person) Somewhere along the way I forgot that I am good. In any sense no matter what. When I am good everything around me was good. When I was negative everything around me was negative. Life was negative.

Ive always read into things deeply which in my opinion is awsome because I see the world deeply but it would always be too negatively. I would walk into my job thinking to myself o ***** which satanic executive am i making money for today. Werid, deeply depressing stuff like that which could be make the person who never frowns break down. The world itself its a negative place and I got swallowed into it just like anyone else feeling hopeless and pointless. I felt being a cashier at pizza place a student at a school a starter on sports team just made me think I can always be replaced and ya da da.

Recently Ive become a healthier person (i went on a diet lost 10 pounds broke away from negative people, became more self efficent and self aware. And i feel just much better about myself nowadays

And I was biking one day I saw a sign for this dog kennel I had to work at for community service (speeding ticket) and I remembered how gross and smelly that place was. I remember all the sick dogs and cats and even pigions (idk why but yes) I had to take care of. I was in a deep thought process of how bad that placed sucked.

But then I just remembered that when I wasn't in the back picking up dog droppings I was in the front introducing people to their future pets. Then I thought too the people I introduced to the pets prob didnt give 2 sh*ts who I was and in all reality they prob forgot me entirely and can only remember first playing with the dog.

But in the weridest ways possible I changed someones life entirely in just 15 mins and they will never realize it. And I changed there life for the better too. I felt good because I was good I was donating time to a cause that is good. And because I was good everything around me was good.

I know this is all mombo jumbo but to me this is whats offically helped me climb out of the sinkhole I dug for myself. I went back to the same kennel and on top of being a physically active working man while attending JC I am also doing volunteer work at the local dog shelter. I feel like a good person therefore I feel I am good. (This is my quote that I live by now) I might not be able to change the world since im only one man, but I can make the diffrence that CAN change the world.