((Avoice))),

Yes, people can be mean and disrespectful. I get that too and it "does" hurt. And I get the same thing, I try to hold it in and when it seeps out because I am just hurting too much to hold it all in, I too get acused of whining. My husband even makes wimpering noises, which is so disrespectful, expecially because he knows my history, knows I am trying very hard and has been told that I am battling PTSD which makes it hard for me to function sometimes.

Avoice, sadly people don't know, nor do they care to know. Unless people experience it themselves they just don't get it.

You have all "males" around you? Well, unless a man can "fix" something they get very frustrated and angry and they begin to resent what they cannot fix. They just don't have the same emotional structure as women do either so they are not going to respond to your pain the way you need them to respond. They are just not designed to "play the mothering role" and they get very frustrated when they are expected to do that in some way. And it is not their fault really, because they are just not designed to be like women. When we think of what we need, and it seems so easy to us, it can seem like the "men" are just choosing to "not listen", yes, I have this going on myself.

I want my husband to just hug me sometimes and tell me that he sees how I am trying and just hold me and support me. But he doesn't do that, he gets angry and defensive and just throws back anger and frustration whenever the emotions bubble up in me to a point where I can't hold them in. And then I get even more upset, thinking that it is my fault that I can't seem to hold the pain and frustration in.
And when that happens I turn my anger inwards and have bad thoughts.

Yes, you need PC, you need to have someone, anyone hear what you are trying to say and be validated. I can soooo identify with your struggle and even the anger and frustration, avoice. Yes, IT IS HARD, AND IT CAN BE LONELY, when you don't hear that very sentence that says, I HEAR YOU, ME TOO, YOUR NOT ALONE, KEEP TRYING INSPITE OF NOT BEING UNDERSTOOD FOR SOMETHING THAT IS VERY REAL AND CHALLENGING TO SORT THROUGH PSYCHOLOGICALLY end EMOTIONALLY.

When someone is so threatened and disrespected and they develope PTSD they have a tremdous wound in them. They reel in pain whenever someone reminds them of or treats them like someone that truely abused them or threatened them did. And if we get to know someone who truely struggles with PTSD we should know that it is a tremdous challenge. It is such a strong desire to "not want to hurt when a reminder takes place" if only we could just learn how to find a way to truely let things roll off our backs instead of coming into us and hurting us. If only we could truely make others understand that we don't "want" to have this happen and that sometimes the pain is crippling. If only we could get others to understand how significant this pain is and that it is soooooo much work to deal with every day. And we sure don't want it to be like this, it is very frustrating to be like this.

Avoice, the whinning is inevitable, we have to be able to let it out, even the anger has to be released too. Yes, it IS a lot of work to manage PTSD, which is the aftermath of being abused, and hurt somehow.

You have to try very hard to see the glass half full Avoice, and I know it is very hard to do somedays. But at least know that this is something that IS being recognized and has a name and they ARE working on finding ways to help those that struggle with it. That at least you have a way of connecting with others that know just what you are feeling and how much work it is to try your best to heal. I can't imagine what it must have been like for the many that struggled and had no one to give it a name and say, "you have PTSD and I am trained to see it and help you and I know your pain is very real and NOT YOUR FAULT". To be able to sit in front of a thing called a computer and have someone somewhere say, ME TOO and offer hugs and condolences and you can see the words that tell you at least someone understands the challenge.

You have had a very challenging year this year alone Avoice. You didn't get the justice you needed or wanted somehow. And that is hard to deal with and the anger from that can be very strong too. At least I can say to you that if you need to vent here, I will listen and understand that sometimes it just hurts sooo much that you need to vent it out. I hear you Avoice.

Your list above is a good way to look at things Avoice. You are a good person and deserve to have that space inbetween waking up and going to bed at night. And you deserve to have some whine if you need it too.

((((Hugs))))
Open Eyes