I am getting very frustrated and overwhelmed as I am tired of telling my Pdoc that I feel empty and numb inside. I was on an anti depressant for 15 years, it worked for 14.5 years.

This was the start of the down hill slide, I was depressed and suicidal and ended up hospitalized for almost 6 weeks. Before I was hospitalized I was diagnosed as borderline. I have since gotten two more of the same diagnosis from other Pdocs.

Anyway I was on a whack of meds in the hospital and my anti depressant was whiched to Cymbalta which I found made my anger even worse.

So my Pdoc who I see weekly weaned me off and told me I would be put on a new anti depressant and mood stablizer because my mood swings from anger/irritablity and being sad change like a switch being flicked.

Well I was put on Abilify 2mg a day and that is it. I have spent the last 7 soon to be 8 weeks saying personality and in my weekly writing to her that I am constantly crying and that I don't feel a thing inside.

I am at my wits end at this point. Even the seroquel that I use for sleeping at night isn't working like it used too. I am waking up in the middle of the night and end up online.

I feel like I am dying inside and no one is hearing me. Now I understand why people self medicate with booze or illegal drugs.

Is she now thinking I don't have a chemical imbalance and the depression won't be helped with meds? Well I was perfectly fine for 14 years between major depressive episodes.

One Pdoc told me borderlines suffer from cronic depression, so was she also saying there nothing that can be done?

At my wits end and just tired of not being heard.

LW