I just got some bad news last night. I'll talk to my T about it next session but, in the meantime, I wanted to post here for support.

I've been having (physical) health problems for 3 years now, and have been passed around from doctor to doctor, with each one being unable to find anything, and unwilling to dig any deeper. It's been incredibly frustrating to be unable to find a doctor who is willing to "go to bat" for me by really taking on my case and not stopping until they arrive at a diagnosis. I keep getting told that I'm young (in my 20s) and I'll be "just fine." But I'm the one in my body, and I've known for some time now that I'm not fine. Well, anyway, the most recent doctor sent me off for another MRI (even though she claimed I was "fine") and something showed up in the results. I still have to get another (different kind) of MRI to confirm the findings-- so the diagnosis is not definite yet-- but it looks like I may have the same (debilitating, incurable) disease that my biological mother has had for the last 35 years. I'm actually at my parents' house right now (in another state) for my dad's birthday, and he keeps telling me "that's exactly what your mother went through" and "yup, your mother went through 4 years of doctors telling her she was 'fine' until they figured it out." It feels very surreal to hear my dad keep saying my biological mother went through everything I'm going through now. And seeing her in the house is difficult. She doesn't know who I am, she can't walk without assistance, and she asks the same questions over and over again because she doesn't have memory recall. She's been like that since I was a child. And now I'm being told that might happen to me?

For those of you who have followed my posts, you know the primary reason I'm in therapy is because I've never had a mom. I missed out on any form of nurturing, love, or attachment growing up, and that lack has been the most significant factor in shaping my life experience. And this disease is (at least part) of the reason I never had a mom. I'm really not afraid of being sick-- I've been sick for 3 years with no explanation and have just had to suffer silently while keeping up with work, partner, family, etc-- at least, if I get a diagnosis I can stop searching and fighting to try get medical attention. But having the same disease as my bio mom would definitely bring up a lot of emotional issues that I would need to work through in therapy. It's the ONLY disease I've ever been afraid of getting. Granted, I think my bio mom's biggest problem is her mental illness not her physical illness-- but, my whole life, my dad has blamed everything on her physical illness. I was not even told her mental health diagnosis until 6 months ago. And, luckily, I'm not mentally ill; just physically ill. But still-- it's a lot to handle. I'm only in my 20s and I don't want to live the rest of my life knowing that my body is going to slowly deteriorate, just like hers. I just went for a 3 mile run (which I do every day), and realized that there may come a time when I can't do that anymore...

I wish it was Monday so I could contact my T...