Hello Wyric,

Have you spoken with your gf about your discomfort with her sexual history? If so, how has she responded? A lot of us have different perspectives on life and sex really.

I see you saying that you understand that you have followed different paths in life than your fiance, but have you ever wondered why she went down the path that she did? Like, maybe she didn't have a real supportive family at home and was trying to escape the stress that she felt by drinking? In many girl's minds, sex will give us love. We are disappointed when Joe or Jim leaves us afterward, but we move on, desperate to find a man who will truly love us. ~Totally different perspective~ And it is not uncommon, especially for girls who had bad experiences growing up. In case you hadn't guessed, I've been there myself.

Yes, I've had quite a few partners, but I'm no spring chicken either. I didn't even start enjoying sex until after I was divorced (a 17 yr fully-committed relationship). While my commitment to my husband was true, I had an extremely difficult time with sex because such shame and self-hate were attached with the act/s. And that deep shame began in my early childhood. While my SA is long gone now, the experience has affected me down to the very core of who I am.

I am trying to open your mind about the possibilities in which there are different numbers for different people. Some girls may be kind of wild at times, yes, just like the majority of men are a little wild. Some girls are also still virgins, just as some men are. In my opinion, what really matters is the person that you see and know right now. Do they have a pattern of cheating (if so, take the relationship very slowly and carefully)? Is there a pattern of loving and leaving (for no apparent reason days or weeks later)? Can they open up about their past and share where they've been emotionally? Have they been tested and passed STD's? Do you respect their perspective on life and their responsibilities/goals? The answers to these Q's are the ones that will give you a better perspective towards your future with your fiance.

I hope that you are either able to come to terms with your fiance's past, rather than looking down upon her for her experiences. Or move on to a relationship that feels more comfortable and less shameful to you. Best wishes!