<font color="purple">Not really sure if this goes in this catergory but here it goes....

I am feeling very abandoned emotionally... I keep voicing my need for attention from my husband and I am not getting it. I feel disconnected from everyone around me: my family, my friends, my co-workers.... even myself.... I seem to bve functioning very well , but I am screaming on the inside as if I am trapped in a sealed vault that is 10 feet thick and no one can hear me..... I am on auto pilot, going thru the motions of what is expected of me and what I think I am supposed to be doing..... I find myself with that urge again, my eyes want to wander.... but I resist b/c it is not right, been there done that way too much pain caused and loss of trust, I dont want to happen again, but I feel the pull..... I try so hard to initiate spark with my hubby... To tell him I need and want his attention, he tries, but its not enough, I am not getting enough.... Why cant I be satisfied??? Is it me, or am I really lacking attention??? Am I self centered??!! God I hope not.... I am emotionally lost... I keep reminding him that sex is not gonna cut it for me, I am emotionally disconnected sexually even though I enjoy it emensely.... I feel darkened, like my light is about to be blown out again..... I need to feel it, not hear it........ Thank you for letting me vent! </font>