Quite honestly as a kid I viewed sex as masturbation, I've had several handfuls of "toys". Yes that's all they were to me. I'm no stranger to more than one partner in a night, I enjoy sex. I was my husband's first minus 1 drunken night. Sex is by far different when you view the other as a person. Then you add in that you love and care if the other person is enjoying themselves it's a completely different experience. It's almost to different to compare.

But how do I put myself at peace about her past? Remember that what you have is different. Your comparing apples to oranges. I can't / wouldn't ever compare my husband negativity to them because they have NOTHING on him. Not because he may or may not be better then them (I can't remember, they were toys) but because I care about him and he cares about me.

Am I any different then I was as a kid, probably not. If this relationship ended I'd be back to that until I found a viable partner. I don't feel I'm a bad person for that.