Quote:
I stand in validation of you in saying the list you have above is not your fault. The list of things your parents say to you means they are ignorant people as well. And what you need to do is to let go of their negetive input and find ways to help yourself present some much healthier positive input for your brain from now on.
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(((Hugs))))
Open Eyes[/quote]
Thankyou sincerely:it means so much to me :-)!!!!!!
Its the hardest thing letting go of the guilt. I read an article about scapegoats and realised that it described our dynamic perfectly, so perfetly that it was haunting to read. All my life ive been punished for things I couldnt really help. As a child I had very pronounced add symptoms. I couldnt sit still, I kept talking and wouldnt put my hand up, I was also very active. I spent 90% of my schooling outside the classroom and my mum essentially homeschooled me (I went to a private school too!) when I would forget my homework and remember at the last minute my mum would take make me work with her standing over me and boxing me for every wrong answer. Once I left my saxophone at school and she whipped me with a belt buckle which scarred my neck so severely I had to lie about what happened.
Thst kind of thing defined me and I was bullied for being a freak and being ugly when in fact I was very good looking. I was punished for my addiction, for being terrified to leave the house because I thought I was ugly, for dropping out of uni because I ended up making myself a social pariah for a situation my parents believe oddly enough wasnt my fault (thats another story and I believe it WAS my fauly)
Basically my entire life for some reason ive been made to feel guilty for being defective. My mum would even outright say that im weak and I need to be strornger. She praises my brother for being strong too, and seems to forget that he just hasnt inherited the same problems as me and as a result is alot more stable