Hi Lee,

Thank you for taking time to post.

Deep down I know your right If Im honest Im just not strong enough to end it with him just now Im scared of being alone and not getting anyone else. He used to be my best friend and we could both talk,listen and we were always there for each other. He is a quiet man and can be a bit of a loner and struggles with his feelings and affections. His upbringing wasnt to good and and his mother drunk herself to death. He has a 15 yr old girl which he didnt find out until she was three unfortunately he doesnt have a good relationship with her I try and encourage it as much as possible as he is her father and she needs her dad he is a bit better but I dont think it will ever be that special father/daughter relationship if you know what I mean its so sad. He also has a son things werent going well with us a few years ago and to cut a long story short he got back with his ex she fell pregnant so I finished it as I didnt want to stand in the way of them being a family. I tried to moved on through time I met someone else I was with him for about 2 years he asked me to marry him and I said no as I knew my heart was elsewhere and we split up. Scott got back in touch him and his ex decided not to try together that it would be better to be apart and he sees the little boy at the weekend. To this day he awlays brings up that I met someone else and that I spolit what we had. I have told him I only left because of the little one every child deserves to have both parents and I wanted them to have that chance of being a family without me being part of the complication...so I dont know if thats why he pushes me away all of the time I am not at fault here he was with me when she fell pregnant but I have never thrown that back at him and I wouldnt want to I dont want to live in the past I just want to look forward to the future...Im not making excuses it my own fault for putting up and staying with him. We are all in control of our own destiny. My thinking has just been cloudy for a long time and I need to get back in control of my life.oh why are things never easy...I just feel so tired...

I grew up with dogs and your so right I would get affection and they would protect me. I would love a dog but sometimes I leave the house at 5 in the morning and dont get back to 9 in the evening from work it wouldnt be fair to leave it in the house all day.

Im calling the counsellor tomorrow to find out when my appointment is so I'll let you know how I get on.

And again thank you Lee you said something that touched me that my mother always says to me Ive just forgotten who I am.
Be good to yourself for once, and stop doing for everyone else. YOU are important too, you know! YOU matter too.

Take Care Lee