I have been in therapy (for a violent sexual assault) for a few months now. I'm married. I've recently had a realisation.

I've done a lot of sexual risk taking, meeting strangers for sex, being unprotected etc. This has happened again recently which really freaks me out. I feel so bad about it afterwards, all the guilt and the shame.

I've realised though, that I have long and sometimes repeated flashbacks during sex and that these become embroiled and part of the sex - like I can't seperate out what is a flashback and what is happening. Makes sex really confused, painful, enjoyable, horrible etc. all at the same time. I normally feel incredibly bad afterwards.

I have no idea how to begin to deal with this. I was also wondering if anyone else had experienced this?

Thanks