I do have a psychiarist that i've been with for 10+ yrs now...

I dealt with alot of trauma from the years of 1996-2001.

What do you mean by secondary traumatization?

I do have help for the trauma, actually we don't speak about it anymore unless i'm really triggered by something, mainly all I do in sessions is try to get my anxiety down with fear of working.

I just tend not to bring this up, she just tells me that when I have these thoughts "daydreams" to make me allow it to go all the way through to me being safe at the end of it. I tend to cut it off at some point and not allow myself to run away, escape etc.

I'm on meds as well, Effexor XR even though I don't believe it's for symptoms of PTSD. I've been on meds since 1996.

I've done CBT for anxiety, never used it for this though, dunno where to begin with it for this stuff.

It's got to be PTSD related, because it became really bad after the abuse, rape etc. But then again it happened before this too, before my bad relationship and the "others"... So I am not really sure what triggered these thoughts.

No you are right PTSD just doesn't vanish, I suffer from remnants of it, still get triggers, body memories, and of course the constant intrusive thinking, I don't think i'll ever be rid of those...

I have no idea what it could have been that upset me when I was young, I was never abused when I was a child. Well, 3 times or so I have had a slap, or the spanked behind. Never had any stranger dangers etc, but I do recall when I was younger waking up to banging on the front door. I ran to my parent's room too look out their window and there was a weird small car painted poka dots... Freaked me out.

Odd thing like that cause intrusive thinking? Or perhaps a movie when you're young?

No idea.

But definatly the most recent ones that replay themsevles over and over again ( and it's always a few different scenerios but they are repeated ) never change...