Quote:
Originally Posted by kazine
You need to start putting things in order to leave. Gather important documents like your birth certificate, social sec card, stuff like that. Do you have your own bank account?
We live seperately, he lives with his parents though he stays over here a lot. So I don't have to leave, he is the one who will be leaving.
Just because he has DID does not make it okay for him to hurt you and your pets. Having a bad childhood, having a bad day at work, having a mental illness - none of that makes it okay to hurt you.
I know it's not okay, he knows its not okay, it upsets him that his alters do these things.
Do you have someone who can take care of your cats for a bit? If not perhaps it would be best to ask the animal shelter if they can take them until you are able to care for them.
They barely come home, they're clearly getting fed elsewhere, they're pretty much safe.
You need to know that you are most in danger of serious injury when he realizes you are leaving.
This isn't true, I have left him before as I am a very unstable person and although he has been upset he doesn't kick off or anything.
Does he have weapons? Do you have a plan for where you will go? Do you know where the domestic violence shelter is? Do you know how to get a restraining order?
As I said, it's my place, he doesn't live here, so I won't need a shelter and I don't need anywhere to go.
I'll still have to be with him until the 24th August, I don't really have much of a choice due to the Austria trip. I'm gonna see how I feel when I get back...
Kaz x
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ok Im confused....you post what seems like a very unsafe situation you are scared for you and the cats and you ask how to get through the week, you post you are in panic over whats going on,
people tell you things like you need to do this you need to do that you should do this you should do that..
and now you are saying everything is ok you are safe and the cats are safe and you will wait until you get back from a trip to decide what to do..
so I went back and reread that first post in your thread. I realized you were not asking us what to do about all his abusiveness against you, long post short you are going to confront him but you have obligations to complete before you do your confrontation. you want to know ways to get through the week from now until you are able to do your confrontation.
bottom line we cant tell you what to do, only you know what you need to, should do and can do so I am not going to tell you to do this, you should do that or you need to do this...
my own personal confrontations I again make sure I have a way to kep me safe, when I had to confront a past abusive lover it was my apartment (my name on the lease) but I still made sure I had a way out of the home should things get violent, they had never abused me but I know from my work that, that doesnt prevent them from lashing out in anger, a person doesn't have to be an abuser to get angry. I had a friend wait in her car around the corner. I told her to watch the person arrive and if I didnt come out the door in 5 minutes with pets in tow she was to call the police and ask for a well check do to confrontation with an animal abuser. I confronted the abuser and walked out with my parting statement I will be gone for an hour please have you and your things out by then otherwise I will have you removed by the police and manager. Everything thing worked out fine, I came home they were gone and I changed the locks.
I got threw the time between making my decision to confront and the confrontation by being very busy. I brought "work" home with me to do and I monopolized the table laying out papers and other small time consuming paperwork, I listened to music with headphones and I took many walks. Sometimes I called a friend and asked them to call me back as timed intervals so that I could be busy talking on the phone...in other words I kept myself very busy and not available to the abuser most of the time we were in the apartment at the same time. I didnt want to go off and have things end in a way that would be sudden or shocking to the abuser because she was abusing my pets and an animal abuser has the potential to harm humans too. I wanted the break up to be calm and in my control not hers. So I took control over how I was acting, reacting with the abusive partner, and took one step at a time.
as for how those confronting my violent alters passed the time between making the decision to confront and the actual confrontation...according to the alters memories that are now integrated with me most confronted me/my alters right away, i do remember one situation where I thought wow So and so is got something on their mind I wonder what it is, they have cleaned the whole apartment, did all the grocery shopping for the week and now look at her shes organizing the can cupboard...So I'm guessing she was using the "keep busy" approach too.
Again I cant tell you what you ***ned to/ should or have to do*** because onyl you can decide that..I can only tell you that the keeping busy helped me in between making the decision to confront and the actual confrontation.