Yes, I was also told that the unmet needs can never be satisfied, and that is unbelievably sad. One of my former Ts told me that while I might not get the "pot of gold" at the end of the rainbow, I could get all the goodies "along the way."

I think acceptance of what we can't ever have is the first step. Then comes trying to acquire the goodies, which may come from ourselves, a spouse, friends, family, a pet, a job, volunteering, this forum, the ocean, singing, dancing, a sunset, a child's smile, or wherever you can find peace and contentment in your life.

As far as the mothering itself, my T has worked with me on visualing me holding the sad, needy child and hugging her and telling her that I love her and will always be there for her. Also listening to her needs. We've done that with the "infant" too. Sometimes we had a circle with me, T, and a close friend of mine taking turns holding the "baby". I never thought I could do any of those visualizations, but at times I can. It's something to think about if you've never tried it.