I just had an experience of facing emotions healthily for the first time.

I've been aware of something I've called "the darkness within" for a couple of months. I knew it was there, but couldn't define it.

I started reading "The Emotionally Absent Mother" and realized that "the darkness within" was the "original loss" of my mom, who was not there for me as she should have been.

I've mulled over this for the past couple of days. Today, upon reading what I needed to do to heal, the enormity of the loss became apparent to me.

I began to cry, and I realize now, after the fact that it is the first time I've mourned that loss. When the tears came, I allowed them to flow in big, choking sobs. What I was feeling wasn't pleasant; in fact, it hurt very very much, but I allowed myself to consciously feel the sadness because it is a healthy part of mourning. Right now, I feel okay, but I know the sadness will return.