Hi Everyone,

I’ve been reading through several of the topics on the board and got to this one and suddenly had many many questions. In my childhood I was a victim of physical/emotional abuse, and have been trying to cope the best I can since. A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with a PD by a LCSW. Since then, I have changed my T. She will neither confirm the diagnosis or deny it. Recently she has told me that I do have some problems with dissociation. I have been reading more about it and some things fit and others don’t. I know there are parts of me that operate differently than other parts. Sometimes I am really sad, and when I am I think differently than when I am doing well. The things I say and do when I’m said often embarrass me when I’m feeling okay. My T and I are working on some major issues right now and when thinking about them I become very upset. During these times, things happen to me that I don’t understand. Once, when I was driving to my T’s office I got lost. This made me angry because I couldn’t recall the road she was on even though I had driven it many times. Another time on the way home from my T’s office, I was driving and it was like I suddenly left, and when I came back I didn’t know where I was. My children tell me that I said something at different times and I can’t remember saying it. Then, there was the other day when I went to the dollar store and picked up some juice glasses, I was unwrapping them and told my husband I had gotten six and the other 4 were in the car. He shook his head back and forth and said look behind you, you just unwrapped the other 4. My daughter takes skating lessons, we were all in the car one day and she said that I told her that my grown son had taken them when he was her age. I told her he never took them and I didn’t tell her that. He was sitting beside me in the car and he said yes mom, I did take skating lessons when I was young and you did tell her that. I still don’t remember him ever taking skating lessons.

My moods change. Sometimes I feel childish, other times I feel like I’m doing okay, and other times I feel very very sad. I remember several events that happened in my childhood but a lot of it is forgotten. I really want to heal. I’m wondering if I may have did, but then I tell myself no, this couldn’t be it because these different moods and feelings I have don’t have a name. I’m just really confused and would really like to heal. Any thoughts on what may be going on? Is it just a really bad case of my not being able to pay attention or something else that is going on with me. Any thoughts would be appreciated.