Also, I spent part of the day with my mom, who knew about my bipolar diagnosis back 1989'ish, and she refused to believe it was true at that time.

Since I have fallen away from meds and treatment for all these years, it's like the diagnosis disappeared from her mind.

It's always been in my mind. I would go through my rollercoast and think maybe I should seek treatment again. But when I was going through those rollercoasters, she would tell me to snap out of it, get over it, what's wrong with me, why can't I be normal, etc.

So now that I am ready to see a therapist for the first time in nearly 20 years this week, I am a little nervous about how my mom will react.

You're probably thinking, "You're a grown woman. It isn't any of her business. If she can't be supportive, you shouldn't have toxic people in your life, etc."

She makes everyone's business HER business. I have yet to find a way around this. Sometimes the relationship is awful. Sometimes it is OK.

But I'm thinking of what a disappointment I must be, and how she'll have to hear this diagnosis again. I already get enough grief for not being successful financially or with my career. Now, on top of it all, I'm truly not "normal."

Maybe it's normal to go through these emotions, thinking of how family will react.

It would be so nice to know that I would have support no matter what.