Hi queen of hearts,

I can understand and relate to your resentment of living through years of Hell for seemingly nothing. I've been there myself up until recently. What i have to remind myself of in the dark times is that there are lighter times to come.

Even if the lighter time is simply seeing a brook bubbling over rocks, and birds flying around in the sky. That is the biggest relief to me! I can't wait for my whole world to feel better to make my life more manageable. That is NOT going to happen. I needed to aim for small pleasures in life to keep me going.

While I have a lot of reminders of my family resentment and hurt around me often (since my 2 daughters do keep in contact w/ them through my ex-hub), I also don't push it any further. I've stepped away from my family for myself. To keep myself in a better state of mind, that's what I needed. My family may not understand my perspective towards my life and history, even though I've brought it up several times (in hope of getting an honest apology for letting some horrible things to occur). For whatever reason, my family is unwilling and/or unable to admit the occurance and apologize to me.

Point is, I can truly understand how you feel so alone in this world and hopeless. But, you aren't alone. SO MANY people feel the very same way. And we fight to make it through what we think "should be" simple times. We fight seeking help from others, thinking that there's no way we could ever feel differently. After some work, we can feel a lot better though. We can make connections with people who we never would have even crossed paths with before, and that alone can give us the will to keep going. Because we kind of enjoy their company...they take our minds off our troubles for a few minutes here & there. You just stay on that path ~ and those times start coming more often and in different situations, finally bringing some hope back into our world. And that ~ hope ~ is crucial. Once you get your hands back onto it, never let go of it again!

Maybe you should call a doctor for help now. You DO deserve help. We can't always do it alone! I've certainly needed a hand a few times, but those experiences have made me be less resistant to ask for assistance. ((hugs)) sent your way....