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Aug 05, 2012, 11:31 PM
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Member Since: Oct 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 6,543
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Hi Judith ~ I think I can understand somewhat. I was married for a LONG time and my husband was an alcoholic (and I was too at the time) but he was soooo very controlling and manipulative and I allowed it. At the time I was afraid of being alone because I knew I couldn't support my 2 children, and live on my own. He had also told me that if I left and took the children, he'd come and take them away and I'd NEVER see them again -- and I KNEW he'd do that. He was just that kind of vengeful and retaliative person. He would do that just to hurt ME -- he wouldn't think of the children. So I allowed the controlling. He also checked up on me wherever I went ---even if I went to visit my parents. He'd call with some stupid excuse. If I was gone too long at the store, I'd have to account for it. I'd also have to account for every penny I spent. Every PENNY. Yet I allowed this behavior. I allowed it for 26 years, until my oldest was 18, and then I divorced him. At first he was "ok" with the divorce, but then after it was over, he thought about it awhile and began stalking me, calling me at all hours of the night, just being al all around jerk. The police "talked to him." It didn't do much good. I finally sold the house and moved out of town where he didn't know where I was for a long time --- he finally cooled off and left me alone.
I don't know if this is anywhere close to what you're talking about or going thru --- but I thought I'd answer and try to get you some support. I have been codependent in some ways. And I didn't like it at all. Before I REALIZED I was codependent, I felt lost and weak. I was frustrated, but didn't know what to do about anything. I was too weak to speak up, and too afraid to act.
Anyway, I hope someone else can help you more than I can. Please take care & God bless. Hugs, Lee 
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