So, since about September last year, I have had what my boyfriend, therapist, friends and I have, at different times called "bad fights", "panic attacks", "episodes" or "rages". I'm beginning to think "rages" is probably a better word for what happens -- although I do have different experiences of panic and of anxiety.

In the rages, I sort of keep getting anxious and agitated until something small happens in those arguments (usually this is spurred on by an argument, or the unwillingness of my boyfriend to talk to me and my inability to handle that) and I snap. I have veered towards physically harming myself (with my hands), breaking things (we had to replace the crockery) and, most absolutely recently, I ... lashed out physically at my boyfriend, which is really alarming and shameful and scary.

I did the Sanity Score test again, and I'm finding that I have symptoms in common with PTSD, particularly:

Intense psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event

Inability to recall an important aspect of the trauma
Sense of a foreshortened future (e.g., does not expect to have a career, marriage, children, or a normal life span)

Irritability or outbursts of anger
Difficulty concentrating
Exaggerated startle response

But the "trauma" in question is quite old. I'm sensing there is a link between this and my mother's passing when I was eleven. The triggering experience is the sight of my boyfriend turning away from me physically, or when he leaves -- particularly in the middle of a conversation, which of course can just be annoying.

But my question is this: am I just locating recognition in something that sounds familiar or should I be considering PTSD more seriously? Also, is it possible for someone to have repressed all of this stuff for about 7 or 8 years before it surfaces, possibly triggered by more losses of family members (I have lost four family members in the last six years, including my grandmother this April). Anyone have any thoughts about rages and whatnot?