first, let me tell you how sorry i am for your loss. a parent should never lose a child. and i cannot imagine how painful that must be for your family. january hasn't been very long past. you are still in the fresh grief.

do you have anyone, counselor, minister, close friend, that you can just let it all out with? even writing down your feelings of pain might help you.

i think that coming here to post is a good step. there are many here who will listen and support you. you've found a good group of supportive people. i'll be offline for a few days but will try to check in to see how you're doing. love, pat