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and now you are saying everything is ok you are safe and the cats are safe and you will wait until you get back from a trip to decide what to do..
I'm safe because he's never hurt me since I threatened to leave him... the cats are safe only because they're outside and refuse to come in... not sure about the rats however, dodgy stuff keeps happening whilst I'm not in the room.
so I went back and reread that first post in your thread. I realized you were not asking us what to do about all his abusiveness against you, long post short you are going to confront him but you have obligations to complete before you do your confrontation. you want to know ways to get through the week from now until you are able to do your confrontation.
Thankfully the week is almost up. He's going home tomorrow and I'm staying at a friend's house and I'm staying home alone until Thursday when I go to his parents house and leave for Austria the next day. Things have been better, because on the nights I posted these threads I was alone and completely freaking out, I had a massive panic attack and I thought I wouldn't be able to pretend like everything was okay while he was here but I have been able to.
bottom line we cant tell you what to do, only you know what you need to, should do and can do so I am not going to tell you to do this, you should do that or you need to do this...
Thanks, when I said that I would see what happened after the trip I meant that I would ask him or one of his calmer alters if anything had been happening to the rats... If he said yes I would leave. The other day I thought that if they said no I would still leave because the fact that I thought something was going on meant I still couldn't trust him. I'm kind of in two minds at the minute.
my own personal confrontations I again make sure I have a way to kep me safe, when I had to confront a past abusive lover it was my apartment (my name on the lease) but I still made sure I had a way out of the home should things get violent, they had never abused me but I know from my work that, that doesnt prevent them from lashing out in anger, a person doesn't have to be an abuser to get angry. I had a friend wait in her car around the corner. I told her to watch the person arrive and if I didnt come out the door in 5 minutes with pets in tow she was to call the police and ask for a well check do to confrontation with an animal abuser. I confronted the abuser and walked out with my parting statement I will be gone for an hour please have you and your things out by then otherwise I will have you removed by the police and manager. Everything thing worked out fine, I came home they were gone and I changed the locks.
I got threw the time between making my decision to confront and the confrontation by being very busy. I brought "work" home with me to do and I monopolized the table laying out papers and other small time consuming paperwork, I listened to music with headphones and I took many walks. Sometimes I called a friend and asked them to call me back as timed intervals so that I could be busy talking on the phone...in other words I kept myself very busy and not available to the abuser most of the time we were in the apartment at the same time. I didnt want to go off and have things end in a way that would be sudden or shocking to the abuser because she was abusing my pets and an animal abuser has the potential to harm humans too. I wanted the break up to be calm and in my control not hers. So I took control over how I was acting, reacting with the abusive partner, and took one step at a time.
as for how those confronting my violent alters passed the time between making the decision to confront and the actual confrontation...according to the alters memories that are now integrated with me most confronted me/my alters right away, i do remember one situation where I thought wow So and so is got something on their mind I wonder what it is, they have cleaned the whole apartment, did all the grocery shopping for the week and now look at her shes organizing the can cupboard...So I'm guessing she was using the "keep busy" approach too.
Again I cant tell you what you ***ned to/ should or have to do*** because onyl you can decide that..I can only tell you that the keeping busy helped me in between making the decision to confront and the actual confrontation.
Thanks for your advice and I'm glad that you got out of that situation. I'm hoping that it won't end up having to come to something so extreme...
Kaz x
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