I'm very sorry about your pain, and I wish you some comfort as soon as possible. Of course depression distorts the way you see everything, including the way you are feeling about your children. I'm sure this must be devastating for you. I pray that on some level you may come back to a place where you can realize that you are very blessed to have them. This goes right to my heart, as I am someone who lives every day with the sadness that I never had kids. I agree with everything regretful has said, and I know he is speaking from a place of compassion. Please, please, please try to remember that you are seeing things through the eyes of depression....and whether you are able to comprehend this or not at this time....YOU ARE MORE THAN THIS ILLNESS. You can not absolutely know when you might feel more like "you", whether it is the result of finding the right meds, an amazing therapist, a combination of things....or just something you can't identify....it happens! I have been where you are many times, minus the kids, and yes I still struggle, but I am here to say that hope is indeed out there....whether you are able to see it or not at this time. Sending the warmest of wishes......