Wow - I have been blown away by all your comments - thank-you so much - it was a real light bulb moment for me, yet I know that insight will come and go until it can fit really neatly into my chaotic head.

I don't know how many of you know I did that solitary retreat 2 weeks ago, when I did 30 minutes of meditation 6 times per day - I am wondering if that has helped me more than I realised - at times it seemed a real struggle to sit for half an hour, but maybe that stuff does work afterall in clearing the mind and helping focus.

I am for some reason scared to share this with T tomorrow - hmm, wonder why?