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kazine · 06:10 PM

I've seen 3 different psychs and they haven't listened to a word I've said. I never even get to the end of my explanation because they always butt in and tell me there's nothing wrong with me when there clearly is so I have written this to give to my next psych!

Quote:

I just want to say first of all that my previous psychiatrists have all lied to me, told me that my elated moods are “normal” when I know they aren’t, told me that Quetiapine (which I am on as a mood stabilizer) doesn’t help with suicidality (of course it does, it’s a mood stabilizer) and have basically downplayed everything I’ve told them, refused to diagnose me or help me. The fact that I have had nothing but the NHS failing to help me when I needed it most has even managed to convince me at times that there is a conspiracy against me or mental health patients in general, because they cost too much, and thought that this is why I’m not getting the help I need.

My issues are as follows:

Elated Moods:
- 3 months of feeling "elated".
- In this time having casual sex with at least 3 people.
- Not being able to sit still in this time and feeling like I have to be moving.
- Have reckless sex/dangerous sex to the point of tearing my vaginal wall and bleeding a lot and refusing to go to hospital, claiming that I would be fine, and not allowing their partner (one of the casual sex partners) to call an ambulance until I collapsed, nearly passed out and threw up, despite losing a LOT of blood.
- On the way to the hospital even though I was bleeding a lot (had to have 2 blood units in transfusion) I was just laughing and carrying on with the ambulance staff, not realising the seriousness of the situation.
- Have a huge self-esteem that was extremely unrealistic.
- Friends and classmates constantly asking if I'm drunk or high because my mood is so unnaturally elated.
- Sleeping a lot less than usual (3 hours a night at times).
- A lot more motivation to exercise and do school work, and trying to find a job.
- I drank a lot more, and smoked cigarettes and weed when I would usually be against smoking.
- Ideas and thoughts were going through my mind so fast that I couldn't physically talk fast enough to keep up with them.
- A lot more sociable, not scared to talk to random people in the street or on public transport when I wouldn’t usually do this.
- Feeling like I have endless energy.
- These elated moods are getting more intense every year.

Depressed Moods:
- Have been diagnosed as depressed by my GP and have suffered depression annually for the past 4 or 5 years.
- Moods seem to last 4-5 months at a time.
- Completely miserable all day every day.
- Suicidal thoughts and ideation every day.
- Wishing I was dead and that everyone would be better off if I was dead.
- Self harming.
- No motivation whatsoever (failed to attend college quite often)
- No longer interested in anything that I used to do.
- Cut myself off from people because all I do is complain to them about how miserable I am.
- Sleeping more
- Other people noticing that I am clearly depressed as I shut myself off and don’t talk to people.
- Lack of energy.
- I had depression like this for months during my A-Levels and I nearly dropped out of college.
- The only reason I am coping at the minute is because I’m on 600mg of Quetiapine which helped the day I started taking it, which was in August 2011. (I know this is not a placebo as I have been on Citalopram, Sertraline and Fluoxetine and they had no positive effect, only negative effects)
- Hating myself and my self-esteem being rock bottom.
- These depressive moods are getting more intense every year.

Other Personalities:
- Since June 2011 I have had evidence of alternative personalities.
- I started off with just two but I have discovered a lot more, at least 25.
- They act quite different to me, they have different voices, different interests.
- Some of these are even children and act and talk like children.
- I have lost time, and in this time the other personalities have done things that I wouldn’t do (ie. Be abusive to people close to me, physically and emotionally).
- Some of them are very damaged. I have one who is addicted to abuse and begs my partners to be physically violent towards her. Some are scared of sex and some are obsessed with it.
- They have their own dreams.
- Because of this I often feel very disconnected from reality.
- Some have feelings for people that I don’t have feelings for.
- One of the personalities, who is male, feels gender dysphoria in a female body and before I knew about these personalities, the confusion I felt led me to seek sex reassignment surgery.
- The personalities can be quite scared when they come out.
- Basically they are completely different people; sometimes I lose time sometimes I don’t.

I am not exaggerating about any of this. I need help for these things and in the past I haven’t written everything down like this which has led to psychiatrists telling me that there is nothing wrong before I have even finished explaining. Please read all of this before making a judgement and deciding that I don’t need help.

I know that 600mg is a high dose of Quetiapine for a person who doesn’t have a diagnosis of Schizophrenia or Bipolar Disorder, but the 450mg that I have been prescribed isn’t enough so I am taking an extra 150mg which has had me stable since February. While I am on this drug I do not experience the depressions and I do not experience the elated moods. If it is not possible to put my dose up to 600mg officially I am happy to try other types of mood stabilizers. I do not want to take any more SSRIs as I have only had bad experiences with them, including loss of appetite to the point where I was incredibly weak and had to stop taking them in order to be able to eat, and also they have triggered the elated moods too.

Thanks.

Kaz x