What fight are you losing?

You said:

> I did well for along time. I've always stayed off the hard stuff. Never again popped a bean, never tweaked, never again did I steal, lie, corrupt or completely dispose myself as a human being and young woman to get high again.

So I'm a little confused. Did you get back on the hard stuff? Did you pop a bean? Tweak? Steal? Lie? Corrupt? Completely dispose yourself as a human being and young woman to get high?

Are you freaking about a little pot and alchohol usage?
Some people have trouble with pot and / or alchohol.
If they use some... They get the urge to use more... And more... And more... And they end up lying and stealing and so on and so forth to get more... You don't do that with alchohol and pot, do you?

Only you know whether alchohol and pot usage is a problem in your life. If you use occasionally... And enjoy it... Then it is probably okay.

If using it makes you crave it and that craving isn't so pleasant then it probably isn't worth it to use it.

You say:

> I don't have a problem. I guess I'm just scared of what some may think...confused at this point.

The AA / NA 'party line' can be that one must remain completely abstinent of every substance or one has failed. Personally... I think that while that might be the case for some people... Every individual is different. Are you worried that other people will think you have failed because you choose to use alchohol / pot occasionally?

How much of your guilt... Is down to what others might be thinking... And how much of your guilt... Is that you are worried your pot / alchohol usage is / might become out of control?

Sometimes people worrying about us makes us worry too whereas if they don't express their worry and if they just left us alone we would do fine.

I use occasionally. Speed and opiates and LSD and mushies and pot and alchohol. But it is occasional. Maybe... 4 times a year of the hard stuff. Other people find that if they try... The cravings just aren't worth it. You need to figure what is right for you.