I am sick of my situation.. for years ive known something is wrong with me..ive alllways been depressed ,ive allllways been completely speechless in social situations, ive always not been able to focus on anything, ive always had this fu*ked up looking stare when in social situations, ive alllways been treated like a 10year old in my house.. i watch my mom lie to me right in my face telling me she had no idea i had any kind of probem , in social situations when i feel under pressure ive felt myself go blank out and roll my eyes... my mom is a liar and is verrrry protective of her image, she cannot admit to anything shes done thats wrong when ive heard lots of stories, soo maybe someone can tell me what i might have because even my doctor was very hesitant to tell me i am schizoaffective she even pronounced it different so i wouldnt catch that it was a form of schizo.. she said "skeezoaffective" it was clear as day she had been talking to my mom before i even went to the doctors office but my mom says "nope i didnt call i know u can handle everything on ur own" pretty much treats me like a joke always has , everytime i go in public with her shes behind me making gestures to whoever it is were talking to like 'ignore his anxiety/dissasociation problem' its such a joke if the doctor told me i was a freak i still wouldnt giva ***** atleast i have some closure and a label, its pretty rediculous i spend hours online trying to diagnose myself because nobody wants to hurt my feelings or let it be known that half my life ive been lied to. my uncle and my dad has both hinted around to mental seizure and even called me retarded a couple times which is absolutley fine with me im happy with myself i just want a label im sick of wndering i want to move on with my life so .. i have a blank stare and no consentration ,puzzled facial expressions/ numbness in my face ,most of the time one eyelid is half shut the other wide open i go black/ roll my eyes under alot of stress when in social situations but jus for a second ive never been able to keep up with school, i cant stand straight up im constantly standing crooked with head cocked a little and my memory is shot i either feel cocky, mad or depressed no real in between and my problems seem to get worse with age because i didnt have half as bad of anxiety or the stareing problem threw school... so yeah i apreciate whoever reads all this ..