**caution ** may trigger **

I felt so good before i went to see you (nervous but that is typical). One little question in therapy though (which i wasnt prepared to answer), and now it is bothering me tremendously.

I feel as if it is consuming me. So i am not feeling great.

It really triggered me and brought up painful memories...anger, frustration, terrible sadness...right beneath the surface. I am thinking about it entirely too much and it is eating away at me. "It just doesn't matter" in this case, does not apply

How can I begin to explain how devastating it was for me when she was murdered, taken away. again. and equally, how enraged I am (still) with the man that did it? And how po'd i am that it was my other sisters' father that did it. And they forgave him. In front of my face. And i had to sit there like a good sister and be supportive of them. For their recovery. I couldnt say a thing.

And there is nothing I can do about it because he was a coward of worst kind. And I had to show a brave face and not misplace my anger. So as usual, I turned it all inward. And suffered. And the sisters moved on. Well except for one other. She died. But that is another story. And she also had a different father. And different struggles and pain.

No justice.

Just another disaster leaving me to pick up the pieces. Alone. With no support. At all. I hate all of you. I miss our mom.

I just want this awful feeling to go away...but it seems all so complicated. Damn. This is going to be a long week until next session. I am so hurting right now.