Ugh. Today's session was a struggle. I had booked in the extra session because I had been stressing out and had been having a lot negative thoughts and felt as though I really needed T. Well, as soon as I walked in the door I totally freaked out and didn't want to talk and didn't want to be there. I had to read out the email I sent her which was super uncomfortable. Particularly the paragraph where I was talking about how I can't take it anymore and I don't know what to do. I could literally feel my face turning red with embarrassment as I was reading it. I also discussed with T how I feel as though I am not making an progress. She said it is up to me if I want to change. I said I'm trying as hard as I can but it just isn't enough. T then said that you can always try harder. I feel like a failure and like I am wasting her time

She also suggested group therapy or even some kind of inpatient treatment for a few days. The idea of the scares me a lot. I think group therapy could be helpful but it still sounds terrifying.