Jen, you are not responsible for what happened. Your brother was responsible for the decision that he made. You loved him. He was very lucky to have had someone who loved him so very much. It's sad that his depression was deeper than the love around him.

I know life is a struggle right now. Grief is complicated, it pulls in memories and emotions from everywhere, probably not just from your brother's life but from your own as well. You must have a thousand thoughts going around and around in your mind but please don't give up on therapy as that is a place for you to let all your sorrows out and to sort through them, when you are ready.

and who knows, maybe one day you can use what you have gone through to help someone else? There is nothing like finding someone else who truly understands...

Please hang on...