Quote:
Originally Posted by peaches100
PS - Sometimes i wonder why it is taking me so long to heal. 12 years is a long time! My t is really knowledgable and very good, and the truth is that I've also worked very hard for a very long time in therapy. So why am i not better yet? And why i am so dang sensitive/fragile that i can't seem to handle the least bit of pressure?
I didn't use to be this way. But ever since i had my breakdown 12 years ago, i've never been the same. I can't "handle" much. Emotional stress makes me physically exhausted. When i get overstimulated or under too much stress, i have to literally go to bed and sleep just to get over it, to recuperate. Even when i am consciously trying to relax, i know that under the surface, my subconscious is going a mile a minute because i can feel it.
I am on meds, but they only help partway. I have GAD and PTSD, and it just feels like i can't tolerate the normal stresses of life.
I have alot of intense dreams too, and sweat profusely at night.
I am constantly hard on myself, and don't know how to relax.
I feel like a mess.
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Sometimes a post really really GETS to me, and yours is doing that now...not in a bad way because I really feel you on this one.
I put a HUGE amount of pressure on myself, most days. It is hard for me to just see life as a gift, and I have so much to feel grateful for but I so constantly tell myself that I should be making more progress given how much therapy I have had throughout my life.
I think...comparison is the basis of all misery. So for me that means that the comparison between where I am in the therapy journey and where I would like to be gets me REALLY wrapped out. And comparing myself with others, who seem to be on a smooth path, wrecks me too.
Some days I also feel like a mess.
Is this afternoon better than this morning? Was last evening worse? Can you chart this at all? One thing that helped me in a big way was Moodscope. It has given me a lot more perspective than I thought....
Hang in there. You are not incapable of healing...you've healed a lot already...probably heal even more!