I thought I would share.

Being alone... ugh... even if only for a couple of hours, it's like my time. My time and I get so lonely. The world seems so much different when I have time to myself. It's truly a bittersweet feeling and I feel sad, not depressed, but sad. I wonder around with nervous energy feeding my anxiety until I give in and take a lorezapam.

I picture my house the way it was just before everyone left. I look at the spots where my family was sitting and imagine them there, laughing and doing what they were doing, and it makes me sad to see the places they were so empty. A room that was once filled with life, so empty now.

I do that with a lot of places we go too... like my daughters karate when they shut off the lights to the dojo.. and it's hard to believe that just a few minutes before it was filled with so much life.

Maybe I am just lonely. Mabye it's just my abandonment issues... maybe both. I just feel sad about it and I can see how I should feel and I'm striving for it. I know I should enjoy my alone time. I should know that my front room will soon again be filled with my family and I should be happy about that. I'm right on the verge of learning this.

I think some things though, no matter what we do, will always stay with us. All of us have a sadness. All of us have somewhere in us that can never be drugged away.

But all of us need to be positive! So on that note I will choose today to be a good day. My kids are at school! Yay! they were really looking forward to it and I'm happy for them. My wife got her dream job and she is loving it so I am happy for her too! My moods are stable so I should be happy. I am! I choose to be!

My job is not so bad. I will be home before everyone else and I do all of the household chores. I like cleaning, it makes me feel good. So I will focus on that.

I type out my issues, but today I decided to type them 'out loud'..
so thanks for listening!