This may be my last act of defiance, Lee Ann, but here goes... I've decided to answer your PM here.

Well, the fact remains that her actions left me no place to vent or rant or to get things off my chest. It was a violation of my privacy. Maybe that's why you feel that I'm not really sorry. If I can't do that HERE, where CAN I do it?? Not to mention that she's also violated my boundaries and no matter what, I still feel attacked! I've never gone after her like that! As far as I'm concerned, she's paying the price for sticking her nose where it doesn't belong. By coming here and reading everything I've posted, she hurt herself. She got the door slammed on her nose.

I'm sorry, PC is well within my boundaries. I have a right to be here. She doesn't, especially when the intent was there from the very beginning of their relationship. This isn't an assumption on my part. It's fact.

You mentioned how frustrating is it when someone takes words out of your mouth or misinterprets what you say. I'd say it is me that's in that position and not her.

She may eek out some apologies from me. She can choose to believe me or not. She has managed to change some of my behavior and the way I speak about her to other people, but not here. This is MY place! This is where I can take any mask off that I may be wearing and be myself completely. I need and want this place for ME. Thank goodness that Admin sees it that way.

Maybe when she learns that other people have a right to their own boundaries, not just her, we may get somewhere in this relationship.

John called from Okla. the other day. He didn't talk to me like I "don't exist." He told me he loves me and that he'll talk to me when they get back. That doesn't sound to me like HE feels what Christina said to me is true.

You know, when they first got together, all John knew about her was that he saw her every year at the County fair and that she was his friends girlfriend. She was the one that told him she was the town *****. Later, when he talked to his friends about her, they concurred. Some of them had even been to bed with her; some were one night stands and some told him that she had tried to pin non-existing pregnancies on them. THAT was when I tried to keep the relationship from happening. Not after the fact.

If you can put your "Mother's Hat" back on for a bit, put yourself in my place. She lived with me for a while. She would sleep all day long, get up just before John got home, and after having told me that she would do all the "womanly" things for him, like cooking, laundry, etc. she started expecting him to cook for her, even after football practice, which was CRUEL, and do HER laundry, etc.

Christina and I had a pretty rough go of it... until they decided they were keeping the baby and getting married. I asked her what SHE wanted; to get married first or have the baby first. She said get married. For the rehearsal dinner, I presented her with a pair of diamond earings for her to have something "new" because her mother had bought her a second hand wedding gown without Christina's ok. I worked toward that end even when John kept telling me, "Mom, I don't want this baby NOW!!! We're too young!" I agree with him and asked him what we should do. "Nothing." was his defeated answer. He's fighting like a trouper 7 yrs later and every time I see him, he's even more defeated. His work is his ONLY outlet because she won't ALLOW him time with his dad or time with his friends that he still has from school.

Then, with your Mother's Hat still on, you go to "watch the kids while she takes a break." A break from what, pray tell!! There is garbage, dirty diapers, rotten food on rotten dishes in the sink, a swarm of flies and knats over it, green gunk on the tub, the bathroom sink and black gunk in the toilet!! Wouldn't part of "watching the kids" be to clean some of that up so you could have somewhere sanitary to wash their hands, fix their lunch, etc.?? What does your mother's heart tell you??

I "got fired" from watching the kids because I cleaned that pig stye! Then, on the other hand, I listen to John telling me how she never sorts the laundry when and IF she washes it. I can see old, old stains on his wrinkled clothes that he goes to work in. He gets called up on his dress. Not appropriate for working with the public. When I call him at home, he's either mopping floors, doing the dishes, cooking or bathing the kids, because SHE WON'T! And this is after putting in eight hours on his regular job and maybe another 4-6 scabbing, doing tile work. Lee Ann, what am I supposed to feel? What am I supposed to think? This is my BABY, my last born, the only child conceived in love!

And all this time, I have NEVER EVER said one thing out of the way to HER! I've told her I know how she feels because I felt that way, too, when I first became a mother. I told her I would help her anyway I could. She misinterpreted that! Wanna know why? Because I didn't think she was PERFECT, like "my daddy" (Christina's dad) told her she was! All I heard for the longest time was "My daddy said...!!" Never mind what her HUSBAND said! It was dead wrong! Even his feelings were wrong, because he didn't feel exactly what SHE feels.

Believe it or not, I KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT! The only time I said anything was when John would unload on me. I gave him suggestions on how to speak to her, what to say, what to do in the hopes that she would understand that JOHN'S needs came before her father's needs! Of course, John would go home and say "My mom says..." and that's where all the trouble got perpatuated.

Lee Ann, I'm in a Catch 22. I know there will never be anything I can do or say to really change the relationship because Christina thinks that SHE is right and everyone else is wrong... because they're not HER DADDY! (stupid, illiterate, dishonest redneck that he is! But this is just between you, me and Jerry) "Her daddy" has screwed over Jerry quite a few times and Christina doesn't see it that way... even if John and Jerry believe it to be true!

EEEEESH! I think ... no, I KNOW I could write a book about this relationship and Christina's family!!!

Ok... you can take your Mother's Hat off now and put on Tomi's Friend Hat. LOL

As for sending her flowers, the operative word being "sending"... because I couldn't get past the gate to the ranch even if I wanted to... I have a whole yard full of flowers that would make one, massive, awesome arrangement. But they live 60 miles away and there's no way for me to get there... just to be turned away at the gate. They live on the ranch that owns the "California happy cows" and the bulls that drool over them and all manner of wild and domestic animals that appear in movies all the time. They also have lose, wild rattle snakes... and my grandkids are thrown outside without supervision when they don't go to school... like through all the hot, summer months when snakes are bountiful. I know, because John told his dad in my presense. SIGH!

I should have turned her in to Child Protective Services long ago... but I promised John that I wouldn't. I promised that I would let HIM work things out. And I keep my promises. I just pray nothing happens to any of the kids that a doctor is the one that puts in that call.