Hi guys!

Lurked for a few days, seen some stories, chimed in every now and then. Figured I'd give it a go.

My medication is listed below, I've never been given a 'diagnosis' (with one exception) as my Psychologist doesn't like diagnoses (Psychiatrist and GP didn't offer one either).

Last year, when I was almost paralytically depressed, I was given a letter advising my academic department that I had Major Depressive Disorder, and currently undergoing 'pharmacological intervention'.

Since then, I've been quite a lot better. Began Lamotrigine earlier this year, it really seemed to take the edge off my mood - but there are still things that worry me. I'm often told by psychologist not to over-think things, and to be certain not to assume a negative trait is a result of a condition, rather than just a part of me - something that I believe to be very true (it helped me a lot in working through how I deal with people/present myself).

Depression is still here every now and then (I've got a 3-week cycle theory in which my moods shift slowly - above and beyond sudden mood changes as a reaction to stimuli).

All of this I can handle, the things that I want to work through (and get some opinions on) are:

1. Intense suicidal idealisation, repeatedly, every day - accompanied by graphic imagery (hanging or wrist slitting generally, the latter being the most disturbing imagery).
2. Strong sense of jealousy, accumulating in a strong anger/irritation and verbal lashing out.

3. Instant dissipation of above jealousy/rage if 'given in to' or being told 'ok I won't go/won't see them/won't do it'.

4. Once it's dissipated, I give consent and feel no negativity about the person doing the thing that triggered the jealousy.

5. Lack of empathy on things that don't relate to me, or affect me. Girlfriend comes to me in tears about her childhood pet being put down - no 'actual' emotional response (externally I was caring/nurturing).

6. Similar to the jealousy, when I am 'slighted' or 'diminished' by people I lash out intensely (verbally) and attack them at weak points (something which has effected many friendships this year).

There is more, but the above are what really bother me. I apologise if I trigger memories of abusive partners, etc, or if I come across as a psychopath. I do feel emotions quite strongly, but rarely about others.

Thanks for reading, and congratulations on having such an amazing community - the amount of support you guys give each other is really heart-warming