Wendy,
Thank you for your sharing your thoughts on the subject matter. I really appreciate it and by the way it wasn't to long at all. I was very intrigrued when I read it. Its makes me feel less "crazy" when I know other people feel the same or can relate. I find that there are times where I am doing because I am using it to "cope" with my emotions or its my expression of my extreme emotional state. I know that these are probably the most common reasons people self injure. But these are not always the reasons that I self injure which has been making feel a little weird because my reasons don't always have to do with communication or coping or maybe they do and I just don't recognize it as such.
There are times when I use my self injure almost manipulately, I am embarrased to admit that, to get either attention for the injury (from loved ones or hospital staff) or to prevent my husband from going somewhere with the boys, etc. But interestingly enough I will lie excessively if asked by ANYONE if these injuries were self induced. I feel like such a jerk saying this but really there are times when I am manipulative with my self injurious behaviors so that I gain attention or affection from others. Not that I ever tell these people I really got injured.
To break it down I would say 60 to 70% of the time I engage in self injurious behavior to cope with extreme emotions. Maybe 10% of the time I am communicating I guess and 10-20% of the time I am being somewhat manipulative I think ick I hate saying this but it helps me to get off my chest. I just feel like now that self injure or "cutting" has become more recognized in the media the more I feel pressured to conform to the most common reason people to cut which is to "cope" or because they feel "numb". I feel like when therapist ask me why I cut they are looking for the text book answer of "coping" or because I feel numb which is undoubtedly truth for me more often than not but it is not always. I feel it I give them other reasons maybe they will judge me differently...I don't know...I know they can't judge in therapy but I don't know I just don't feel like people want any other reasons for cutting other than the common ones. Gosh that was so long winded! Sorry! I just had to try explain more to other readers and I guess to myself. Thanks for listening everyone! Would LOVE to gage other peoples opinions about what I wrote or generally on the subject matter.

Jennifer