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I am pretty positive that I am bipolar II and have been for a long time. I have even compared my symptoms with the description of bipolar II in the DSM and found that they match exactly, but for some reason psychiatrists are continuing to tell me that what I am going through is normal. Here are a list of my symptoms:
Elated Moods:
- 3 months of feeling "elated".
- In this time having casual sex with at least 4 people.
- Not being able to sit still in this time and feeling like I have to be moving.
- Have reckless sex/dangerous sex to the point of tearing my vaginal wall and bleeding a lot and refusing to go to hospital, claiming that I would be fine, and not allowing their partner (one of the casual sex partners) to call an ambulance until I collapsed, nearly passed out and threw up, despite losing a LOT of blood.
- On the way to the hospital even though I was bleeding a lot (had to have 2 blood units in transfusion) I was just laughing and carrying on with the ambulance staff, not realising the seriousness of the situation.
- Have a huge self-esteem that was extremely unrealistic.
- Friends and classmates constantly asking if I'm drunk or high because my mood is so unnaturally elated.
- Sleeping a lot less than usual (3 hours a night at times).
- A lot more motivation to exercise and do school work, and trying to find a job.
- I drank a lot more, and smoked cigarettes and weed when I would usually be against smoking.
- Ideas and thoughts were going through my mind so fast that I couldn't physically talk fast enough to keep up with them.
- A lot more sociable, not scared to talk to random people in the street or on public transport when I wouldn’t usually do this.
- Feeling like I have endless energy.
- These elated moods are getting more intense every year.
Depressed Moods:
- Have been diagnosed as depressed by my GP and have suffered depression annually for the past 4 or 5 years.
- Moods seem to last 4-5 months at a time.
- Completely miserable all day every day.
- Suicidal thoughts and ideation every day.
- Wishing I was dead and that everyone would be better off if I was dead.
- Self harming.
- No motivation whatsoever (failed to attend college quite often)
- No longer interested in anything that I used to do.
- Cut myself off from people because all I do is complain to them about how miserable I am.
- Sleeping more
- Other people noticing that I am clearly depressed as I shut myself off and don’t talk to people.
- Lack of energy.
- I had depression like this for months during my A-Levels and I nearly dropped out of college.
- The only reason I am coping at the minute is because I’m on 600mg of Quetiapine which helped the day I started taking it, which was in August 2011. (I know this is not a placebo as I have been on Citalopram, Sertraline and Fluoxetine and they had no positive effect, only negative effects)
- Hating myself and my self-esteem being rock bottom.
- At worst, I have gotten to the point where I physically cannot get out of bed in the morning, and it takes my partner literally dragging me out of bed to get me up. Showering first thing in the morning seems like the most difficult part of my day, because I feel so low. I could easily stay at home in bed or sitting in front of the PC all day every day.
- These depressive moods are getting more intense every year.
Why are they still continuing to deny me a diagnosis? I need a diagnosis to get put on appropriate medication. I can't depend on my boyfriend to keep supplying me quetiapine forever.
Kaz x
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